I’m just gonna rant here a second, K? I mean…I’d really like to say you can just scroll by this but I need someone to talk to me about this…for someone to tell me this is alright.
You see that look on my face? I don’t think I’ve ever looked that happy…the one person I showed these to told me I was ‘glowing,’ which isn’t something I get a lot…And there’s about an 101% chance that the reason I look that happy is because I’m with the person right next to me.
We’ve been dating since the day I graduated, which was a week and a half ago…and we’ve known each other since middle school. He has liked me since Junior year, but never asked me out because I was with JK and I don’t want to sound awful, but I do feel a little awful that I never got to give him a chance back then. But right now I feel so happy with him…happier than I have been in a really long time.
This is where the rant part starts in…Today my dad took my sisters and I to get ice cream at this place down the street and I knew one of the guys that worked there from school and I said aloud as we were getting out, ‘I wonder if he still works there?’ and my dad said in a seriously annoyed tone ‘Oh, what, is that another guy you’re chasing?’
That really got me mad…
I was with JK for a year and a half almost exactly…and I don’t really regret it. I didn’t even really regret it a few hours after it happened…sure I was a little upset, but at the same time I knew it was the right thing for us.
Then about a week lapsed, and I was at graduation, and he told me he liked me, and he was so nervous because he didn’t want to hurt me…and I told him I liked him back because it was the goddamn truth. I have always loved that kid. I mean you see his face, look how fucking sweet he is, and oh my god if you could just meet him in person…I swear, you would fall in love with him too. The truth is, even if we weren’t dating, but ESPECIALLY now that we are I would do anything for him…whatever he needed. I would do anything just to make sure he’s happy and never has to be upset or nervous or afraid. I love him…and I always have.
And so…since it was like…two or three weeks since JK and I broke up…I feel afraid to shout it to the whole world that we’re dating just yet…just because of how my parents have handled it…like I’m just looking for boys to date because I’m lonely or sad or upset about JK…when that isn’t even it. I’m afraid that other people will think it’s just off the rebound. I feel like people will think I’m a slut and a whore because I jumped right from one guy to the next…
But that’s just…that’s just not it. I want to make it official…I want so badly to make that first picture my profile picture on Facebook…and I feel so pathetic because I can’t put it up. I want my friends to know…and to support us and be happy for us…and I just…why am I so worried about what people think? I know what some of the smarter people out there are thinking, ‘if you truly love him…that shouldn’t matter.’ And you’re right. You’re totally right. Or I’m totally right or something idk.
I should be able to love him. And people should be able to love whoever the fuck they want. And no one should be allowed to judge. We all say so many nice things about gays being allowed to be together and how no one should have a say…so what about two people who belong together, straight, gay, transgender, blue, purple, orange, potatoes who gives a fuck? He makes me happy…so I should be able to say whatever the fuck I want. I should be able to post on Facebook that I’m in a relationship, even though my ex can see it. I should be able to do what the fuck I want.
When I started this text post I had the intention of asking for support…and I mean if you’d still like to give it to me it would be appreciated…but now…now I don’t give a shit. I don’t. I love him, I love Austin Adams and nothing should be allowed to get in my way of loving him. So you just try and stop me from making that fucking picture my profile picture.
try. and. stop me.